Life has certainly crept up on me lately. Not so much for me, but those around me. It pains me to see those I love going through such turmoil. Several of my very close friends are having serious problems with their marriages. All are great couples, I really like each half of the pairs in question (that is a fact, as none read this, so this is not just a suck up or to not hurt feelings) but they are all having real problems which are just devastating. Another friend is in the midst of a medical malpractice lawsuit which is very stressful, compounding the sorrow she already has for the family and the outcome. Several of my former coworkers have children with catastrophic illnesses, the mere thought of which is truly heartbreaking. I am very happy, but it wasn't too long ago that I was divorcing and basically jobless.
But also, it doesn't seem very long ago that we were all on the beach, hanging out on a day off or after a night shift, and our biggest concern was which happy hour we would go to or maybe worrying if the guy we were hung up on at the time would call. What happened? How do things change so quickly? Could things be different now if back then we could have seen the future? What if we could have told our friend, "Hey, that's a great guy, but if you hang out with him tonight, you'll keep dating, and then you'll get married, move away from all your friends and a few years from now he will be bipolar and a drug addict? And you'll have kids. But he's a great person and a great dad and you will love him and not want to leave him. So maybe you just want to come back to the house and watch Ally McBeal with the rest of us?" Would we want to be able to do this? Of course not.
But I would like to go back, maybe just for a couple of hours to that time when life was so easy. When I woke up in the morning, went for a run, went to the beach, walked my dog, and hung out with my friends. And that was the extent of my day. Is my life stressful now? No. Would I trade it for anything? Of course not. But yes, youth truly is wasted on the young. I never understood that before. I think, what I miss more than anything is not freedom, because it isn't like my life now prevents me from doing anything I want to do, but I do miss not having a constant low level fear of loss. That is hard to describe, but it is something that came along when I got married and really intensified once I had my son, I just worry about my family and loved ones all the time. When I was younger, I only had to take care of myself. A couple of weeks ago, my husband had my son and I was out for awhile, and I could not reach them-- not at home and not on my husband's cell. Initially I didn't think anything of it, but after almost 3 hours went by, I was in a panic, speculating that they must have been in a car accident, the house had been invaded, etc. I drove home in near hysterics; they had been in the backyard all along, safe and sound. I ran outside, crying and crying, just so relieved to see them safe. That definitely never happened in the old days.
So if I could go back and see the me in the previous life, I would tell her to enjoy those days, because there won't ever be a time again where she won't have serious responsibilities. I would also tell her that while fun, it is NOT the best time of her life-- that is yet to come. My life here and now is definitely the most fun and most fulfilling.
As an aside, one of our favorite places to go was World Famous at the end of PB drive. Great location, great (cheap) food --but only during happy hour, otherwise, it is expensive on a resident salary, and good margaritas. I went there recently for lunch, and it hasn't changed at all. Still gorgeous view, great for people watching, and great food. I went with my family for lunch, so no margarita, which was just fine. We had a great time, and I thought, "This is perfect, just like the old days. Having a baby doesn't slow me down a bit." Then I had to change a diaper. I walked through the bar to the nasty bathroom (which of course does not have a changing table, why would it?? Most of the patrons are in COLLEGE) I got it done and thought, "Yeah, things sure were different the last time I was here!" Never would have imagined I'd be changing diapers on the floor of the World Famous bathroom. I guess I came full circle-- from "resting" in the bathroom after maybe one to many of the drink specials to doing diaper duty. Yes, how things change.
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