Building blocks

I have wanted to start a blog for years now-- my friend Amy has inspired me to finally get moving. Part of me felt that it was "too late" to start-- like I missed some key things I should have blogged about, so why start now? I realize looking back how dumb that was, so I am starting today. I wish now I had started a journal when I was pregnant, or dating my husband, or during other milestones, but at least I am starting now.

I realize very few, if any, will ever read this-- I am completely fine with that. In fact, I will be operating under the assumption this blog will have minimal viewing, so there will be much honesty here.

Anyhow, the "under construction" title comes because that is the sense I have of my life these days. On the off chance there is an actual reader, and one who doesn't know me, I am a doctor-turned housewife-and now mom. My son was born in February, making him now 8 months old. I am completely thrilled with where I am in life, I love being a wife and mother so much more than I ever thought I would, it is just that I feel a bit lost in the learning "how" to do these things. I know, I know, everyone feels this way. But I come from a background of years and years of being taught, and teaching "how" to do things. I certainly did not know how to be a doctor when I was a medical student and a resident, and there was plenty of muddling through and, honestly, pulling things out of my ass when I needed to. But in my medical training, there was always someone I could find to show me, or to help me. Here with my child, in the beginning I truly felt helpless-- like I was the only doctor working in a crazy busy hospital with no backup and my waiting room was full.

Anyhow, these days I feel like I am under construction-- I am becoming a mother-- yes, I became one when Hagen was born, but I am learning daily what that means, and slowly adopting the role. That also means though, that the rest of me is being remodeled-- physically (oh please, oh please, let me fit into my jeans)-- psychically, and emotionally. Also, maybe it is just where I am in my life (35), but lately it is important to me to work on being a better person-- or at least better for me. (Maybe not a great person by objective standards, but a better person in comparison to usual-Julie)


So this is a relatively short intro; Ken is fishing (again--5 trips a year allowed!), and though I miss him, I must admit I like the quiet, watching all kinds of bad tv, no cooking, long baths in the evening, etc. So I am off to watch the Without a Trace episode I have on my DVR from last night.

Which brings me to one side note, TV

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Without a Trace. Yes, I know, cheesy TV and all. But what first got me interested was Poppy Montgomery-- I have a soft spot for tv shows with blonde women who kick ass, what can I say? Anyhow, I watched a couple of reruns on TNT (like Law&Order, which I also love, it is on all the time!) and got totally hooked while I was pregnant and did nothing but stay permantly attached to the couch. So anyhow, back to Poppy Montgomery-- I got really into the show when I was pregnant, and then I realized she was pregnant too, and then I felt this bond with her, because she was SO big and huge, as was I. (I was truly a beast while pregnant, I won't deny it.) I read in an interview that she gained nearly 70 pounds, and I am not surprised-- I am also happy to see that she still carries some of her baby weight-- I know she is still breastfeeding, and I just don't understand how all of these celebrities become near-skeletal within weeks of giving birth (my suspicion about Nicole Kidman though is surrogacy)--I am a FREAK about diet, exercise, and fitness and I simply could not lose the last 20 pounds for SEVEN months. Yes, I know everyone is different, and for some, breastfeeding makes the weight just fall off. But this does not happen to all, and I refuse to believe this is what is making the Hollywood types so frail-looking. Anyhow, it makes me feel a bit warm and fuzzy inside to see Poppy M looking like me-- still with a bit of gooeyness along the middle.