Stages and phases

We are going through a phase. Clinginess, crying, neediness, and separation anxiety.

Nope, not Hagen, but me. H turned 8 months yesterday, and according to babycenter.com (where I spend waaaaaayyyy too much time), he should be exhibiting stranger anxiety and wanting his mommy all the time. Except that he's not. He loves everyone and would clearly go home with any random person who approaches us in Target. Which has me obsessed that he's not properly bonded to me. And now I am the clingy one who won't leave him. Yes, I am THAT mom right now, the one who can't be away from her kid. I was supposed to go get a massage tomorrow-- part of the deal with my husband-- a spa day for each fishing trip, but I am not going because I don't want to leave my baby. And I am not going to go, because objectively I don't want to waste a spa treatment if I'm not going to enjoy it because I am worried that my son has forgotten all about me in the time that I am gone.

Don't worry, I know this is a phase. At least I hope it is. When he was 2 months old, we were referred to Cranial Tech-- the people who make helmets for babies with plagiocephaly-- 0r oddly shapen heads. Plagiocephaly is very common now with the whole "back-to-sleep" deal. Anyhow, I wasn't worried about the helmet--and in the end, we didn't need one, with more tummy time, Hagen's head evened out just fine. It was more that in their literature, they spoke of an association between plagiocephaly and developmental delay (which my pediatrician assured me is not the case). Anyhow, for the next month, I was very depressed, assured that the reason Hagen's head was misshapen was because I was a lazy mom who never enforced tummy time and my kid was now destined to be the slow kid for the rest of his life because of my failings as a mom. That phase, too, passed-- I got over it.

Let's see, what else? Oh yes, in the beginning I was convinced I was the only one who couldn't "get" breastfeeding, even though I knew objectively that most women have trouble in the beginning. So that just through me over the top of what was already a completely hormonally-crazed time. And then the whole sleep-deprivation stage. Interesting, because I thought I was used to being sleep deprived-- I did it so much in internship and residency. It's different though, medicine has a completely different rhythm, and yes, medical training is awful and inhumane, but there is always a post-call period when you know you can go home, turn your pager off, and go to sleep. That doesn't happen with a newborn.

So yes, in this current stage I am in, I catch myself thinking that I can postpone most activites for myself until Hagen is in pre-school. Now, that is simply not-realistic. (I doubt it is possible for me to go another 2 years without a dental appointment or doctor visit (yes, I know I could take him, but easier not to) and certainly not a pedicure, workout, or hair appt--not to be shallow, but there MUST be some self maintenance). But I do find myself trying to do as much as possible with Hagen or just not ever leaving him-- I want to be with him all the time right now-- he is just so much fun, and I miss him when I am away. And then there is the whole--does-he-like-Carmen-more-than me-thing. I am like a late enty into the attachment parenting world...and Hagen is really too heavy for me now to sling, not to mention that he doesn't really like it. Same with co-sleeping-- he doesn't like it (thankfully! We decided long ago he'd sleep in a crib in his own room--yes, yes, I know, a baby cage) But if you see us at Target, he will still be the happy baby who will gladly go off with anyone. And I will soon get over that and be happy again that I have such an easy-going baby.